by Tina Y. Gerber-McCurley
Life feels so chaotic, since my knee replacement at the end of June. I have things to do, people to visit, and my to-do list needs to be tackled, yet here I am in this sense of helplessness. I have people to see bills to pay but I am restricted from driving for six weeks. I've had no visitors, except family, and then loneliness set in. Today, I am feeling overwhelmed, scared, and alone. It feels like my hubby has run out of patience in dealing with me, as he has also been sick.
Finding a sense of peace in this modern world can be tough. The world will continue to turn, no matter the good, the bad, or the ugly. I am not great at watching the latest series on Netflix, reading, or even working on my articles for The Standard. It has been hard to find a sense of well-being, hope, and peace during my recovery. It has been extremely tough on me and my hubby! I am usually the caregiver, not the receiver. Is it pride colouring my picture?
I can't imagine being a senior and having no one at home to help empty my commode, fix my meals, help get my groceries (thank you, Emily, Hailey, Joy). I don't know what it would be like if I didn't have someone to make sure I don't fall in the shower, take me to physio appointments, or wake my hubby up three or four times from his sleep to change my ice pack? If I lived alone, how would I cope? With all this in perspective, why am I complaining and seeming so ungrateful?
How can I use these few weeks which seem endless, to sit back, be, and find inner peace? What is inner peace anyway? It's not really the same as happiness, and to be honest, I am not really happy right now. Every one of us needs help from time to time, don't be afraid to ask family, friends or your family doctor.
Many strive to get rid of bad feelings, as a pursuit of happiness. Yet, as I focus on all the struggles, I seem to be creating more, and it appears I'm moving further away from feelings of peace and/or contentment. I am my worst critic, and I can be internally loud and intrusive, even as Christ shares with me, adding to my chaos.
However, I have had epiphanies in this stillness with God. I find, during nightly Bible studies, His voice of wisdom carries a sense of serenity and stillness, then I feel peaceful, happy and at ease. This consistency is important, enabling me to connect with God, even through nature and others in a profound way.
God is whispering in my ear, and so I must explore those times. In the grand scheme of things, our minor woes and troubles really don't matter. Perhaps, you feel God when walking in nature, sipping your morning tea, or reading your Bible? Listen in the quiet, you may be pleasantly surprised. We all want to find the faculty of inner peace. If you have given your heart to Jesus you can yield your negative thoughts over to Him. As such, you can live your life with an open heart, allowing you to operate from a place of God's stillness and inner peace, as His child.
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